marvinstwin: (Default)
How much have I missed their stupid faces? OMG SO MUCH! ♥ ♥ ♥

That is all. Coherency when I'm actually coherent again.
marvinstwin: (Default)
OMG. This cannot be happening to me. Migraine # 3 in as many days. I think the drugs are fucking with my system. Either that or this is the start of THE DEATH. Please let it be the drugs. I can't handle the death.

*whimpers*
marvinstwin: (Default)
Transcript of a Skype conversation with my Big Brother:

Me *assuming a countenance not unlike Richard E. Grant's [in that episode of Posh Nosh]* Darling, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I am old. Man delights not me (especially not that one), nor woman neither. The only things that currently appeal to me are hot chocolate and fictitious relatives, given that my real relatives are a source of nothing but frustration and chagrin.
Me: Oh, and Gaby's right. The Pringles here are stale and revolting.
Me: Christ, I'm turning into Oliver.
[livejournal.com profile] stillprettiest:Italy's Pringles bring all the boys to the yard.

I think we've been old since we were young.

Me: Damn right they're better than ours.

This is true. The difference just seems far more pronounced now. When one has yet to achieve status as any sort of person, premature age and maturity is regarded as a delightful and refreshing eccentricity. Now that I'm actually supposed to be in some manner significant, being a 40 year old woman in the body of someone half that age is seen as being tedious and inconsiderate, a squandering of what little youth I still have left.
[livejournal.com profile] stillprettiest:*blinks* Do I need to remind you that I'm drugged on cold meds? Email that to me, and I'll try to follow it when I can see straight.

I think, honestly, that that about sums it up.
marvinstwin: (Default)
Some of you have been wondering why I've been obsessed with Due South lately.

Well, vaguely air-brushed though they may be, these photos of Paul Gross should give you some idea.

Hey, handsome. It's most comforting to know that I am still so deeply, deeply shallow.

Cheers!
marvinstwin: (Default)
I feel like I should write something about the trip to Italy other than "OMGITALYGABYCYNTHIAMYBRAINOMGPRINGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!," but I can't really verbalize how much fun I had seeing two of my favorite people EVER in the history of EVER and exploring a foreign country with them. Suffice it to say that despite illnesses and crazy people and having our crowd virginity thoroughly sullied in the Piazza Majore on New Year's, I had a jolly good time and I hope that my partners in crime did too. *hugs them both to bits*

As for what's going on in the real world... I don't even know.

My car died in a shower of sparks and a puff of smoke. Fun? (Don't worry, it's mostly fixed now.)

My apartment building got sold to apparent slum lords three days before Christmas. Funner?

Lizzie has thoroughly invaded the only place in my Father's house I could even begin to claim as my own, leaving me with no refuge amidst the family's collective crazy. Funnerer?

My birthday dinner was the single most traumatic holiday experience of my life between the sudden appearance of the Crack Lady at the restaurant, Lizzie critiquing my clothes, Cheryl gloating over being with papa in a truly sickening way, Richard saying things that were wildly inappropriate and make me want to slap him silly, and the revelation that Papa proposed to Cheryl while chaperoning my Winter Ball dinner all those years ago.(1) Absolute fucking funnest.

You guys, I'm pretty determined to have a good 2009. I'm trying really hard not to overreact to any of these things and smile at the irony of it all. But seriously? If this keeps up I'm flying to Tahiti while the flying is fair and never coming back.

I need to schedule appointments with the nice young people in clean white coats. Hopefully they'll figure out a way to make this mess work. I'll no longer live at the side of the ups and downs, but if I can get through this semester intact that might be a fair price to pay.

Alright, I'm off to buy books. Ta, lads and ladies. I miss you all.




(1) I'm not sure I'll ever forgive Papa for actually marrying her. I don't really like Cheryl. I think Richard is a twit. The only part of that house that I can be in for more than an hour is my room and I don't even have that now. Oh, and if I hear one more bit of twee happy-families, "this feels so right" bollocks from Cheryl ever again, I swear I'm going to puke.
marvinstwin: (Default)
Just a quick message to let you all know that I survived the flight out to Italy, even though Cynthia has threatened to KILL ME for missing two flights in a row (fucking idiots at Frankfurt airport security). We have met the other people in the program, most of whom seem pretty cool. And Cynthia's roommate will hopefully be absent for the duration! Yay!

Today we wait for Gaby's suitcase to be delivered from Marseille and then walk up the hill to the church at San Luca.

Last night we stayed up until 3 AM to watch The Dark Knight. Potentially a BLD. Still, totally worth it. Heath Ledger is still disturbingly attractive in that movie.

Oh, God. Cynthia just turned on the TV so that we can have the real Italian experience. Diagnosis Murder dubbed in Italian... fabulous. The movie preview channel is pretty hilarious, too. Only, more in a bad way. Australia dubbed in Italian? Pain. So much pain.

Alright. I'm off to go make myself look like a respectable human being. Cynthia has hair gel and has promised me the Ryhawk. I am probably more excited about this than I have any right to be.

Ciao!

ZOOM.

Dec. 19th, 2008 10:30 am
marvinstwin: (Default)
I'm feeling better. Yay!

I'm going to see a new therapist today. Yay?

I'm hoping a certain someone will CALL ME and let me know if he wants to have lunch before I go.

I'm packed.

I'm flying home tonight.

I'm sort of looking forward to being there?

I'm missing you. All of you.

I'm addicted to due South.

Bye!

Fuck.

Dec. 15th, 2008 10:28 am
marvinstwin: (Default)
Fucking.
marvinstwin: (Default)
Nice day for it.
marvinstwin: (Default)
Things that make me happy:

1. The song "Barrett's Privateers" as sung by Stan Rogers. Also, as sung by Paul Gross, because he is gorgeous and godlike and YES.

2. The Dreamers, which, in all honesty, doesn't make anyone all that happy. But, regardless of my emotional state following that film, Eva Green is rather fantastic and I just about died over the Venus de Milo shot. Absolutely painfully gorgeous.

3. Hard Core Logo. Once again, not exactly happy-making, but Callum Keith Rennie is hypnotic. You totally get why Joe Dick is obsessed with Billy Tallent. Also, the script is amazing. It's just so raw and natural and it tears you to absolute fucking shreds. Sometimes you need that.

4. due South. I loved this show way back when. It was a favorite when I stayed in Santa Fe. Of course, it wasn't until I watched it recently that I realized how delightfully slashy the whole thing is. Especially when Ray Kowalski (Callum Keith Rennie) shows up. Then... then the slash practically writes itself. "I just made a curling reference. I'm going to go lay down." - Ray K. ♥.♥

5. Folie a Deux because the Fall Out Boys did a bang up job with this album and it makes me dance around my flat in a really embarrassing way. "20 Dollar Nosebleed" remains my favorite song thus far, but I also have special love for "What A Catch, Donnie" and, well, just about everything else. Pete writes about little black dresses and being a jaded, bitter hot mess. ♥ ♥ ♥ As always.

6. Slings & Arrows. If you did not already take my advice and YouTube this, you fail at life. Paul Gross, as the middle-aged and disheveled artistic director of the New Burbage Shakespeare Festival, growls his way through the frustration of dealing with the hilariously dramatic members of his company and leaves many a fangirl shivering pleasantly in his wake. It's like listening to Paul McGann roar out "FIRE!" in the Hornblower films... only on a more regular basis. I am such a sucker for a good growly baritone. *dies* Also, watching the insane, theatre-hating director, Darren Nichols, work reminds one that working for the crack lady could have been so much worse

ETA: Things that do not make me happy:

Being sick again. Bugger it all to hell in a handbag with a two inch diameter broom handle. Fuck fucking fucked and all it's fucking cognates.
marvinstwin: (Default)
First, happy early birthday to last night's birthday girls. *hugs all around*

Second, I am clearly too old for college parties. I don't really want attend any more of them. I want to have tea.

Third, WTF subconscious? Last night I had one of those dreams again. This one was... interesting? I can trace the influences on the imagery to what I was doing yesterday. Wedding dresses by Kenneth Pool (Hi, Austin Scarlett, MARRY ME?) and some bastard combination of Lizzie's house and the dance studio in Step Up 2 feature heavily. I can even analyze the situation critically given the topics of yesterday's conversations. I just wish my brain didn't come up with these things. They are highly disturbing.

Fourth, I want to go shopping so badly it physically hurts. I want to buy pretty dresses. My birthday is a little over a month away and I want to get dressed up and go somewhere nice. I want a classy dinner and dancing at a good venue with my friends. I want my one birthday drink and slice of birthday cake to be tasty and I want to be happy.

Fifth, Happy Christmas.

bwuh?

Dec. 5th, 2008 04:27 pm
marvinstwin: (Default)
i can has drunk!voicemail?

fuck, i miss you, big brother. like you would not believe.

*hugs leik woah*
marvinstwin: (Default)
Thank fuck that's over. Now it's home for five unsatisfying days of "rest" in the Sunny Land of Disenchantment. Oh, God. I really don't want to go home. I mean, I want to see mum and papa and Gabi and Brianna and anyone else who happens to be lurking around Turkey Town. It's just that going home requires getting out of bed and doing my laundry and cleaning the apartment and packing and calling a cab and GETTING ON A PLANE, when I can barely take a breath without hacking up a lung. Oh, Jesus. I have to FLY like this.

Can I just not? Can everyone fly out to see me instead? I would really like that.

Ugh. PACKING. UGH.

On the bright side, I've discovered a new TV show called "Slings and Arrows". This time the object of my viewing desire is CANADIAN and set in the midst of a fictional Shakespeare Festival. For those of you who are Due South fans, Paul Gross (OMG ♥) plays the lead: the festival's possibly insane director who appears to be haunted by the ghost of his predecessor. The stage manager owns my soul. The two old queens sing hilarious songs (Cheer Up, Hamlet!) about the show they're putting on. There's heterosexual sex that doesn't weird me out and gay characters that don't make me cringe. This show is utterly brilliant! I suggest YouTubing the first two seasons (only six episodes each) if you have time. "And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is 'TO BE!'" ♥ ♥ ♥ This is what I want to do with my liiiiiife!
marvinstwin: (Default)
Good News: It's not likely that I have the flu.

Bad News: It is very likely that I have the mono. We don't know for sure yet (I can't get tested until Monday) but the signs, from muscle aches to fatigue to sore throat to nodes the size of casaba melons, point to YES. As I told Gaby, if I really do have the mono, I didn't even get a steady boyfriend to take care of me and bring me soup as my consolation prize. I think this means I am allowed to hate my life.

I spent most of today asleep, and I don't feel any better for it. I can't wait until Thanksgiving Break. I want to go home.
marvinstwin: (Default)
I think it is quite possible that I might have the flu.

Ow.

Let's just hope that it does not, instead, turn into The Death. We all know how I hate The Death.

Guess who's not going clubbing on Thursday? *points* MEEE.

Guess who's only going to Vertigo if she spends the next two days asleep? *points* MEEE.

Guess who's not going to sleep because she actually has work to do?

Yeah, you get where I'm going with this.

On the bright side, Friday is looking fun. COSTUMES ALL DAY OMG and then Lunch and then Boston Marriage. All of these are good things.

UGH SO MUCH WORK TO DO. LET ME SLEEEEEEEP!

*whimpers*

Bugger.
marvinstwin: (Default)
I found this on a study break:

http://www.thebeatsurrender.co.uk/weekly/interviews/yeti/

I think... I might be in love. I mean, I was already? But this makes it even better.

YETI!

Talking.

Nov. 17th, 2008 05:04 pm
marvinstwin: (Default)
Yeah, that... wasn't fun. Awkward. So awkward. But he's definitely given me something to think about. Some people have no filters of any kind, like that one between one's brain and one's mouth the lack of which we all despair and delight of in equal measure. I, on the other hand, seem to have too many. My filters line up in neat little rows between my ears, like gels coloring my thoughts. To continue the theatrical lighting metaphor, I need to turn on a few extra lights and mix towards white. You know how I feel about positive thinking. If someone tells me to think happy thoughts I instantly imagine punching them in the face. Telling me to think neutrally is far more agreeable. As they say in Revista Facetas, "I'm an optimist with experience."

By the by, I just found Revista Facetas on YouTube. It's just as awful as I remember it. Why couldn't we have watched something like that for French? It's so stupid and cheesy that you can't help but be entertained.

Off to go do more Economics homework, which is, by the way, the perfect example of Fresco's Discovery and corollary in action:

If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored. Now, just because you're bored doesn't mean you know what you're doing.
marvinstwin: (Default)
1. Schedule measurements for Hamlet
2. Shop for WUDT
3. Talk to Bonnie, Sean, and Professor Walker
4. Finish R&J renderings
5. BUTCH WALKER (or, alternatively, buy his new CD)
6. Finish reading commentary on Six Characters
7. Alter sari for Bobbie
8. See Maryse and watch Velvet Goldmine
9. Call Jeff
10. Papers and quizzes and tests!Oh my!
marvinstwin: (Default)
And if this is a coronation, I ain't feelin' the love.

I think I'm going to have to withdraw from my statistics class. I'm an emotional wreck right now and I'm falling behind in everything. As that's the hardest class (and the one I'm the most behind in) with the most immediate midterm, I feel that's the one that must go. I'm still not prepared for costuming class today nor TCS nor the Econ quiz tomorrow. I have two papers that I need to write whose due dates are quickly whipping around the bend, and two shows to work on, and I don't know what else I can do.

I don't care. That's the problem. I don't fucking care and maybe living on my own is a bad idea because there's nothing and nobody to make me even try anymore.

And before you ask, yes, I am going to SHS and waiting until they will see me.

It's probably a good thing that my self-destructive tendencies have chosen to manifest themselves academically and not in any of the myriad of other ways open to them... well, I still have the eating disorder (it's still there, nibbling at the back of my mind) but it seems to have taken a back seat this semester in favor of academic suicide.

I think I'm trying to systematically liquidate everything that I've prided myself on over the years. Were things really that bad before? When did I turn in to that kind of person? I don't know. I just want it to stop.

I spent all day yesterday trying to stop myself from crying. I'm nervous. I'm choked up. I'm so utterly, hopelessly behind in everything. How did I let this happen to myself?

Why am I writing this and not studying?

I thought I fixed all this by changing majors. Lies. Lies. Lies. Why do I still feel this way?

I've clearly drifted into the arena of the unwell. I feel I've gone on holiday by mistake. Thanksgiving break and the actual life-oriented thinking I will do during that time cannot come soon enough.

ETA: Also, this journal is going public again. I'm not a private person. When I don't have everything out in the open something is wrong. Playing a role is different from concealing your true self. Don't ever confuse the two.
marvinstwin: (Default)
So, I think I'm sick. Like, really sick. Like, 'depressed and need to go see a shrink again' sick. I'm upset. About a lot of things, I guess. I don't know quite how to put them all in words. Suffice it to say that I'm upset about "Of Thee I Sing", the boy, two friends who are not doing so well (one physically and one emotionally), my major, the fact that I still have no work ethic, my living situation, and a bad haircut.

Hugs? Can I get one? Please?

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